I’m not even sure where to begin when it comes to processing the events of this last trip. I’ve had this post in the drafts forever because of how scattered my thoughts and emotions are on the subject.
The thing is, the first thing I’m always asked lately is “How was the trip?” And I find myself giving them some washed down version of highlights that they want to hear, because I don’t feel they truly want to be bothered with the gritty details.
I honestly don’t even know how to describe this past trip because there are things that happened that no one would truly understand unless they were there.
This trip was far from a vacation for me. We went in with a plan and a purpose, to help those who come from a life that’s been completely turned upside down, to love on them, and do everything we can through the Father to give them hope for the future.
For me at least, it was a rollercoaster of emotions and experiences that I didn’t necessarily know how to process at the time, so I stored them away to deal with another day. You know going in that it isn’t going to be easy, but you do not expect it to take the toll on you that it does. It drains you Physically, Mentally and Spiritually.
But regardless of how draining the trip really was, there was still a lot of amazing memories and friends made along the way that I wouldn’t trade for the world.
I guess the true summary of this trip is that it made things real. Very real.
That realness started for me in the Golan Heights. Syria and the conflicts within were simply a headline to me before. Something you read about in the news, something you try to be empathetic towards, something you try to care about but you can never truly understand because it holds little to no effect over your life. But standing up on that mountain in the Golan was eerie and unsettling. Looking over Syria it was hard to believe this was the place western media always spoke about, and then you sat and let your ears do the seeing. As you listened you could hear explosions in the distance, some would see the occasional flash, and the reality that a war was taking place not too far from you slowly settled in.
The thought dawned on me there “This is where the children we’ve come to serve come from.”
When we finally entered the land of Jordan we prayed that God would squeeze us, squeeze us out like icing on a cake to be used in his design and purposes within the land.
The next few days were filled of nothing short of squeezing, as we were pushed beyond what many of us thought we were capable of.
The harsh reality of the Syrian conflicts continued to grow on me as I had the opportunity to meet with many refugees from Syria and hear their stories. My heart breaking for each and every one of them and their families.
Many of these people were lucky enough to escape Syria with their lives. The gruesome and horrific things the men described to us and showed us are situations that no one should ever have to experience. Yet despite the horrors they have experienced in Syria they all have a strong desire to return home. For many of them their ultimate wish was not to be able to go live in a western culture such as Canada or the US. Their wish was for the fighting in Syria to stop so they can return home.
One man looked at us and said something that still plays over in my head regularly because of how well it summed up the desires of his peers. He said “I would rather live in a tent in my home land than live in a castle in any other country.”
Adjusting to life in Canada after these experiences was not as easy as I had thought it would be. Reading the news became difficult, because it was suddenly real. Reading the news about the Syrian conflict brought on a new set of emotions and empathy I didn’t have before. My heart not only broke for those in the land caught in the midst of this conflict, but I was also filled with a rage towards the governments of the world and their inability to end the slaughter. And I felt so useless in it all.
All I can say now is that the War in Syria is real to me now, and I consider myself fortunate to understand the conflict in this way many North Americans will never have the opportunity to. And even at that, no matter how hard I try to understand it and the horrors Syria has endured, I will never understand it the way those who have lived it do.
My heart and prayers go out continually to those effected by this war, and I look forward to seeing the day where they can all go home once again.
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